lin’s Blog

…the best ecstasy, if not to KILL, is to DIE.

We all get broken and twisted at one point in our life. Confused and messed up, it’s not that were emo, we just all go through something so dark, so unbelievably perverse. It might be a simple misunderstanding with a close friend, or some family sh** you only see in movies. Or it could be this whole heart aching, deal breakers who comes once in a blue moon yet could leave us hurting forever. That one person who comes unnoticed, to steal that thing that beats right there in your chest, and leaves you a grown man. Heartless? Maybe, but grown, definitely. That is, if you choose to learn. Still your choice to grow.

It’s hard to have to choose between first love, and a major breakthrough that could change the life of the one you love and care for the most at that very moment. Point: your happiness vs another person’s growth. Especially when it’s not your choice to make in the first place, specially when the only task you were given was to love and understand. Especially when you admit you’re in love right after you made that infamous decision you know you can never, and will never retract.

Now this is my story: I’m waiting.

And I’m sorry for this one person who feels she made a mistake, if you’re reading this, know that if you know what’s good for you, stand up to what you believe is right, And if in the end you realize you made a mistake, it will never be too late to make a change, never too late till you’re dead. I love you girl.

It’s time to grow.

tae.

i love this song….

already gone.kelly clarkson

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they’re haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high, yeah
Never would have worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die

I didn’t want us to burn out
I didn’t come here to hurt you now
I can’t stop

I want you to know
That it doesn’t matter
Where we take this road
Someone’s gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn’t have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I’m already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you’ll find another
That doesn’t always make you wanna cry
Started with a perfect kiss
Then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn’t keep this love alive

You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know
That it doesn’t matter
Where we take this road
Someone’s gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn’t have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I’m already gone

I’m already gone
I’m already gone
You can’t make it feel right
When you know that it’s wrong
I’m already gone
Already gone
There’s no moving on
So I’m already gone

Already gone
Already gone
Already gone, Oooo, oh
Already gone
Already gone
Already gone, yeah

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they’re haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know
That it doesn’t matter
Where we take this road
Someone’s gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn’t have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I’m already gone

I’m already gone
I’m already gone
You can’t make it feel right
When you know that it’s wrong
I’m already gone
Already gone
There’s no moving on
So I’m already gone…

:’(

tae.tae,tae.tae.wah.

He liked the sound of the little girls’ greeting,

An innocent smile forms,

He forgets for a while the pain he’s feeling,

After all he’s done, he’s gone too far, he knows.

He liked the thought of getting them back,

All the memories now deemed worth remembering,

and though he’d hear not the voice that drowned in the noise,

Every silent whisper in his heart brought more pain so searing.

Managing to change the lives of all that he loved,

Choosing to be another mistake,

Now he won’t get back all that was lost,

Not this little girl, nor his damned soul.

happy father’s day…..

June 14, 2009: 6:53am: Today I dreaded the sound of an airplane for it signaled the end of my summer. I dreaded the sound of an airplane and as went outside the house and felt the early morning air, I knew it won’t be long till the day I await the sound of an airplane to signal the start of another chapter of my life…. I watched the cloudless sky as if I saw something more than a blank page of light blue hue. I watched the cloudless sky wishing I were free enough to run towards where I wanted to be that time more than anywhere else in the world to do what I wanted to do more than anything else in the world.

I wished for a miracle, and I got a realization. I’m hopelessly, deeply, undeniably, uncontrollably, unbelievably in love. And I wish I could tell the world about it. –*okay, this part I made up ‘coz it just sounded so damn good.*

Hay, can’t wait for the day I ride an airplane to where I’ll be happy.

June 14, 2009: 10:50pm: Can’t wait for the day I become a NURSE: The only consolation I have for going to school aside from friends of course. And allowances. (I wish I could laugh right now…)

Goodbye to the best summer of my life, so far.

Like a mother’s sweet tender humming,

Her heartbeat became his lullaby

And with her slow steady breathing

Making the most exquisite sound

Lord, how it made him feel alive.

He watched her in his paradise,

His angel in the moonlight.

As he traced patterns on her skin

Tailoring mem’ries in black and white.

Lord, how it made him feel alive.

Then a sparkle from her eye would fall

A single teardrop from the outside

But deep inside her heart would cry,

Every night a holy prayer,

God, how she wished she had died.

He held on to her, his angel,

She struggled for as long as she could.

As night and day passed them by,

Her happiness slowly drifted away,

God, how she wished she had died.

Now for every piece of memory,

A dew, soon would form,

For the sky would cry for thee,

From evening ‘till dawn.

It is the circumstances around a person, and never the morality of his acts that defines whether he is the hero or the villain of the story. –xed

..‘Coz loving someone doesn’t require any reason or proof for us to love them. It just comes out naturally. Whatever mistake they did or any kind of pain they gave, still LOVE covers up to heal the heartache we’ve had. See how amazing Love is? No reasons to give us yet it makes us fall over and over again.

We’ve always known what hurts. Still, we haven’t learned to stay away from such. Coz as painful as it is, if that’s the only way to feel their presence, we always give in. we still check on them every now and then, just to see what’s been happening since they left. That even if sometimes we say we just wanna see them happy, deep in our hearts, there’s this flicker of hope. So then, it’s true, that the more you think you are healing, the deeper the wound is searing…

Sometimes.. the only thing people see is what you did… when in fact.. they should be looking at why you did it..

Every relationship, even friendship, is bound to fall apart when you start keeping things. Think about this; secrets don’t destroy everything, LYING does.

Isolation is aloneness that feels forced upon you, like a punishment. Solitude is aloneness you choose and embrace. I think great things can come out of solitude, out of going to a place where all is quiet except the beating of your heart. – Jeanne Marie Laskas

The best part of being in love is when you just love a person and be happy about it, even I that person can NEVER be yours, even if you know that it CAN’T LAST FOREVER! That’s the true essence of love. It’s not about WINNING someone. It’s not about OWNING a relationship. It’s just about being happy coz you know you’ve loved SOMEONE. It’s about being guiltless coz you know you didn’t TAKE AWAY SOMEONE from ANYBODY. You just love and love unselfishly.

Be soft. Do not the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.

Why was snow white given an apple with poison? To show that not all people that are kind to you are really kind. They might have some other agnda against you. Looks can be deceiving.

Why did Cinderella ran away when the clock turned 12 midnight? To remind us that everything has it’s limitations, even dreams.

Why did Ariel decide to exchange her fins with feet? To show that anyone will try to lose anything just to be happy.

To forgive is to forget. To forget is not to forgive. It’s repression.

We never come to realize that no matter what we do, we cannot control time. We will have to make decisions because of time and our lives will and must go on because of time.

I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we’ll never know most of them. But we can still do things. And we can try and feel okay about them.

Some people are happy because they choose to be that way, sometimes, they’re not genuinely happy, they just have to be… and in time.. they become.

Heartbreak is an odd kind of pain. Coz you’re not dying, you’re not even sick. for all intents and purposes, your perfectly fine. Yet inside, where your heart used to be, you hurt so much that you can’t breathe, you can’t sleep, and you can’t stop the tears from falling… you may eat too much; you may not eat at all. Nonsmokers light up; nondrinkers find a bar. A broken heart is one of the world’s greatest equalizer, coz it can turn even the sweetest angel into a freakin’ evil.

Keep in mind that we should always thank those who hurt us, especially those who did so bad, we are forced to transform. They risk the eternal verdict of going to hell just to make us better than who we are.

Do not assume that he who seeks to comfort you now lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. His life may also have much sadness and difficulty that remains far beyond yours. Were it otherwise, he would never have been able to find these words.

I know most people aren’t really friends forever, and that people change… and I know that is true. Really, I do. But, for as long as we possibly can, let’s try to prove that theory wrong, ok? I can’t imagine not ever being able to go to school and not talk to you. You keep me sane, you remind me that no matter what’s changed, there are some things that remain… and those things are what I cherish. – ludy

Making the first move to patch things up shouldn’t always come from the one who made the mistake… but it can come from the one who understands and knows.

The hardest thing to do isn’t saying goodbye. It’s FORGIVING and letting go of the long kept grievances and pain in our hearts. It’s not found in parting ways with our loved ones but in parting ways with our own BITTER self and finding our better self after. It’s not even found in giving our goodbye hugs to that special someone but in hugging that person who broke and crushed us with ACCEPTANCE and LOVE. That’s where we greatly struggle… that’s where we often times fail… but only through that hardest thing could we be free.

When you are made to choose between two good things, you don’t just think of what you’ll get when you pick one, but think of what you’ll loose when you choose the other one.

There comes that someone in our lives who put our play to stop. We do love not for the sake of play, nor curiosity, but for that lifetime bond. But as the seasons do change, people do too. Or did we just not give our best to know that significant other better before it was too late? Love’s a gamble. Love cannot be blind to let all wrongs pass you by. The two must grow together. Give and take. Understanding. Love’s a teacher. Class dismissed.

The world’s happiest friends never have the same characters… they just have the best understanding of each other’s differences. –Jill

We have to accept that things will come to an end… an end that will welcome a new beginning… a beginning that could erase people who were special to us before… and that’s what we call life.

It doesn’t matter where you go in life… or what you acquire. It’s who you have beside you that matters. CHOOSE YOUR LOVE and then… LOVE YOUR CHOICE.

We always have a CHOICE, as what others say.but the problem is you may have the ability of choosing, yet not the capacity to stand firmly with what you have chosen.

In life, we always search for answers because we want to prove ourselves that we had the right decisions… but the truth is, we can’t search for what’s not there. Things happen because they’re meant to happen. That’s why we FORGIVE people even if they hurt us, we LOVE people who don’t love us and we SMILE despite every painful crash in our hearts. At the end of the day, the lessons we get are the answers to our decisions.

Some things we just don’t want to hear, some things we say because we can’t be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say, they’re what you do. Some things you say because there’s no other choice, some things you keep to yourself, and not too often, but every now and then, some things simple speak for themselves.

The facts lay the same but the difference lie on how the people concerning such matter, would think about it. Most of the time, we have to think deeper to find the answers, but there are a considerable amount of chance that a problem may be solved by seeing and thinking about the superficial facts that matters. – kuya

We look for friends not because it’s lonely watching movies alone… not because it’s so sad to eat meals on your own, nor is it because it’s nice to cuddle up with someone on the rainy days. We look for friends because we want to be accepted… for the sloppy way we dress, for the messy way we eat, for bad hair days and for the simplicity in us. Friendship is an act of acceptance… that with all our imperfections, we are accepted and loved.

Instant availability even without continuous presence is the best role a friend can play.

All TRUTH is GOOD. But NOT all TRUTH is GOOD to SAY

There’s a subtle difference between doing things because you’ve changed and being changed because of the things you’ve done. – kuya

Unlike the pitter pattering of rain

From the roof to the ground,

The tears trickle slowly

Down her cheeks without a sound.

No one could help her

No one to save her now

As she walked through the crowd

Asking aloud:

Have you seen Solace my old friend?

She’s been with me through days on end

Her skin is milk, with deep brown eyes

Her long flowing hair dark as night.

Have you seen Solace, tell her I’m here

She won’t be alone, I’ll hold her near.

Some of them stopped and some of them watched

While others hurried away from the catch.

Sanity in question, has she lost her mind?

Isn’t she the girl, they all left behind?

“What a poor little girl”, she heard one of them say.

“She’s the one,” She shouted, “who took Solace away!”

Then she was peaceful, then she cried,

Then they all watched her, never leaving their sight,

It was one of them shows, when they saw it unfold

Another life shattered, another life destroyed.

She swayed, she danced, she slowly closed her eyes,

She hummed a sweet tune, brought chills cold as ice.

Some were in awe, with what they could see,

As the crowd grew quiet, as quiet as could be.

When a child pointed out, a red stain near her thigh,

She suddenly yelled, “ Die Solace Die!!”

Have I really changed? Is this a sign of change? I made a decision to move forward, and I guess they never warned me sooner than they should have that I was going full throttle on this one. That I was going too fast a change with this one. The first time I read the message, I didn’t understand. My heart skipped a beat; I didn’t know I was different. I never saw it coming. Did I cause this, whatever this awkwardness is? Was it all my fault?

I don’t know how to explain myself anymore. Maybe I’ve grown bitter with the experience. Maybe made cold by the memory. Maybe numbed by the pain. Maybe I have changed. In the worst possible way. And I stepped on my friends, on the people I love, in the process, as I morphed into the monster that I am now, ever selfish, forever marked as the villain.

I never meant to hurt anyone.

Always and forever, the choices we make no matter how big or small it may be, will bear great impact on the people that surrounds us, moreover on our own little lives. No matter how much we wish that it wouldn’t it just does. And the options we take has a way of changing us at least in the eyes of many. No matter how much we try to deny it, our own belief would not matter once the people we care for the most have spoken.

I’m sorry that I make my friends feel the way I made you feel and you know who you are. I’m sorry to all my friends, to the people who care, once cared, continues to care, I’m sorry… for changing. I’m sorry for hurting you. All of you.

Leave it
all behind,

The tears
and fears aside.

Make amends
with life.

it’s
not the time to cry.

Rest your
weary soul

Just try
to let it go.

For things
will never be

The same
as before.

No more
sadness, no more lies

To bind
the heart that loves,

No more
tears, no goodbyes

No more
dreaded lines.

Leave it
all behind,

Cast the
mem’ry aside.

Start anew,
leave it all

Just leave
it all behind.